Loss

Sometimes I feel that I forget what my dad looked like. 

The picture that was once so vividly ingrained in me is slowly fading away.

I still don’t know why you had to leave. 

I think that it will be one of life's greatest mysteries. Why you couldn’t stay a bit longer. 

Your big bushy eyebrows, small lips curling in. I wish I could see him again- not just through a photograph or a one-year-old memory on my phone. 

I still don’t know so much about you.

I am doing this for you and because of you. 

I have to keep the memories close to me for as long as I can. 

Who am I without you?  I feel that I want to embody the beautiful human that you were, as a way to keep you closer. 

I have to remember your thoughtfulness.  

Another new day means another day farther from you. 

Far away from when I let go of your hand in the grim hospital room. When I can't remember what I said to you before you died. 

Far away but closer to feeling this sense of loss.