Seat 1A
Airplanes can now make me cry. I think for some reason, in some hypothetical universe I feel that I am closer to my dad up here in the clouds as if he is waving to me from outside, even his ashes lie in the bay near my house.
Maybe it's the lack of oxygen or the amount of free time I have in a plane that just gets me thinking extra long and hard. As I sit here and write this on my way to Germany, not able to sleep, this is my hot take on why I think that planes recently make me emotional.
Nothing made my dad happier than flying and traveling. He was a junkie for finding new and interesting places to explore. My family has this running joke that my dad always needed to be 1A on the airplane and ready for takeoff. Flying with him was cutthroat, you had to bring your A-game. There was no time for slacking off. Passports needed to be in hand, and waiting first in line to board the plane. Stress levels were high until he buckled his seat belt and could open his bag of peanut M&M's. From there it was smooth sailing into new experiences.
Recently, while on a flight back from London, I found myself hysterically crying at the fact that my seat was broken and couldn't recline. Looking back, it wasn't the seat, I simply missed my dad and wished he was with me. Don't get me wrong, an airplane is not the only place I feel these emotions. They only seem to be heightened on a flight. I want my dad to still be here to travel with me. I miss sitting next to him and joking about the questionable food set in front of us. The way he and I would fight over the window seat and compare the shows we had both downloaded to watch for the next few hours. He would always have a secret stash of gummy bears for me to snack on when the plane food didn't sit right. We traveled together as a team.
I feel angry about what was taken away from me. Sitting in this flying tin can now makes me miss him even more. Even though my dad lies in the bay, I can feel his presence up in the sky with me. I will make sure to give the plane a kiss before I board, just like he did. I will continue to wave to him in the clouds.