Carl

“Mental health is like taking care of a car: recognizing where there is a problem and then bringing it to somebody that knows how to fix it.” 

Carl Brandl is the beloved therapist at my school. I got to know Carl properly when my dad got sick. Carl made the effort to meet and talk with me, letting me know that I will always be supported. From then on Carl became a person who I loved to see and talk with when I had the chance. He is the warmest, kindest man you'll ever meet, sort of like a young Santa Claus who gives great advice. Carl is a registered therapist who also has a clinic outside of school. I met with Carl on a fall afternoon at school. I wanted to find out what grief meant to him and how to handle something so hefty. In the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) book, complicated grief is categorized as a process longer than six weeks. Symptoms can be loss of sleep, no appetite, etc. While being a helpful definition, grief can be characterized as something sorrowful and sad. But overall to Carl, it's the act of remembrance, happy or sad. Carl had told me a little story about his own experiences of remembrance. He was hiking over the summer and met a man with a labrador named Elanor; the same name as his mother. Carl expressed that he enjoys those visits and those small moments that make him remember somebody he lost. That is an example showing that “not all grief has to be sad”.

`Some Tips from Carl (our kick-ass therapist) on how to deal with grief:

First, be honest with yourself and your emotions even if you can't be with others. Grief can bring up countless emotions. It is important to be able to know that people can experience grief at different points and in different ways, “it's okay to feel different ways about death and loss'”. Make sure to check in with yourself on how you are feeling, processing, and dealing with the loss.
Are there bad ways to grieve? 

In short, Carl says yes there are many ways. “When life throws shit at us, our instant reaction is to do things that feel good”. Drugs and alcohol are big suppressors. Food can be another one or things that make them feel better, or people can fall into bad patterns with a lack of self-care and love. All these things are understandable, however, Carl says that things like this don't allow the process of emotions. If your technique is to drink those feelings away, it's never going to get you better in the long term. When Carl is meeting with somebody who is experiencing grief he goes through a protocol of questions; How are you sleeping? How are you eating? Are you exercising?  What are your relationships with drugs and alcohol? This is a check-in that anyone could do for themselves during any given situation; a moment of important reflection.

Finally the big question….Is there a very specific grieving process for kids? 

Bottom line, it's a developmental thing. Kids of various ages are not going to grieve the same. Teenagers and kids lack lots of points of reference in terms of loss and death. They don't know what it feels like to lose somebody; the experiences and the emotions that come with it are brand new. Being a teenager is being in-between space and it is an odd time for many. Carl says the best thing that people can do for teenagers is listen and hear when they want to talk specifically about grief and death, instead of forcing them into a conversation. Teenagers need to take breaks from grieving but also have access to somebody for when they want to talk about how they are feeling. In the end, Carl says we need to be able to recognize when our mental health is not the best and have the tools to help.